Greek Orthodox theologians put Creation as far back as 5508 B.C.Īrchbishop James Usher (1580‑1656) published Annales Veteris et Novi Testaments in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 B.C. Medieval Jewish scholars put the date of the Creation at 3760 B.C. By the same token the earth itself is generally supposed to be about four and a half thousand million years old. Tyler (A Chairman of a Residents' Association)įull Chorus of Tibetans, Aliens, Americans, Atlanteans and other rare and strange Creatures of the Last Days.ĭog (Satanical hellhound and cat‑worrier)Ĭurrent theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it was created at all and didn't just start, as it were, unofficially, it came into being between ten and twenty thousand million years ago. Sister Mary Loquacious (A Satanic Nun of the Chattering Order of St. Madame Tracy (Painted Jezebel and Medium) Newton Pulsifer (Wages Clerk and Witchfinder Private)Īnathema Device (Practical Occultist and Professional Descendant) Thou‑Shalt‑Not‑Commit‑Adultery Pulsifer (A Witchfinder) Ligur (Likewise a Fallen Angel and Duke of Hell)Ĭrowley (An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards) The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes NutterĬompiled and edited, with Footnotes of an Educational Nature and Precepts for the Wise, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.Īziraphale (An Angel, and part‑time rare book dealer)īeelzebub (A Likewise Fallen Angel and Prince of Hell) It was going to be a dark and stormy night.Ī Narrative of Certain Events occurring in the last eleven years of human history, in strict accordance as shall be shewn with: The animals, freshly named, cowered from the storm.įar away, in the dripping woods, something bright and fiery flickered among the trees. "Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?" A demon can get into real trouble, doing the right thing." He nudged the angel. "Funny thing is," said Crawly, "I keep wondering whether the apple thing wasn't the right thing to do, as well. "I'm not sure it's actually possible for you to do evil," said Crawly sarcastically. "They looked so cold, poor things, and she's expecting already, and what with the vicious animals out there and the storm coming up I thought, well, where's the harm, so I just said, look, if you come back there's going to be an almighty row, but you might be needing this sword, so here it is, don't bother to thank me, just do everyone a big favor and don't let the sun go down on you here." "Well, I had to," said the angel, rubbing his hands distractedly. "If you must know," he said, a trifle testily, "I gave it away." "It flamed like anything."Īziraphale looked wretched. A guilty expression passed across his face, and then came back and camped there. They sat in embarrassed silence, watching the raindrops bruise the first flowers.Įventually Crawly said, "Didn't you have a flaming sword?" If you do Wrong when you're told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. "You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say. "Best not to speculate, really," said Aziraphale. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what He's really planning." "I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying 'Don't Touch' in big letters. "You've got to admit it's a bit of a pantomime, though," said Crawly. "It's down to your basic, you know, nature. I'm not sure if it's actually possible for you to do good," said Aziraphale. "They just said, Get up there and make some trouble," said the serpent, whose name was Crawly, although he was thinking of changing it now. "It must be bad," reasoned Aziraphale, in the slightly concerned tones of one who can't see it either, and is worrying about it, "otherwise you wouldn't have been involved." I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil, anyway." "I think it was a bit of an overreaction, to be honest," said the serpent. Yes," said the angel, whose name was Aziraphale. "I said, that one went down like a lead balloon," said the serpent. The angel of the Eastern Gate put his wings over his head to shield himself from the first drops. But clouds massing east of Eden suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way, and it was going to be a big one. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet. Pratchett Terry David John.Īll the days had been nice.
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